Cancerversary: A Time of Gratitude, Reflection, and Intention
We typically celebrate and acknowledge special dates in our lives. Our birthdates; our anniversaries; the birthdates of our children, friends and family members; graduation dates, work anniversaries; or the day we got that license or certification that we’ve been working towards. But for cancer survivors there are other dates that are also front and center in our minds. The date we got diagnosed, the date we finished treatment, the date we got that “No Evidence of Disease” report. Our “cancerversaries.” For some, these dates are triggers that remind us of our traumatic cancer journey. For others, they are a time of gratitude, reflection, and intention.
September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month. I am an ovarian cancer survivor who was diagnosed in September. September is also Prostate Cancer Awareness Month. My father had prostate cancer before he passed away. September is also National Hereditary Breast and Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month. I have an inherited genetic mutation that increases my risk ovarian cancer. The irony of the correlating awareness months and my diagnosis month is not lost on me. Despite these awareness days reminding me of some difficult memories, I choose to recognize my cancerversary on the date I got diagnosed with ovarian cancer in September 2021.
Now you may ask why I would recognize the date I got diagnosed and not the day I got my “No evidence of disease?” For me, this is simple. The day I was diagnosed was the day that I and my medical team were made aware that I had cancer. The day before, whether I knew it or not, I had cancer and because I didn’t know it, I was powerless to do anything about it. Once I was diagnosed, I, along with my medical team, could take the steps needed to try and save my life.
First and Foremost Gratitude
As my first cancerversary date was coming up last year I had an extreme and profound sense of gratitude because, truth be told, I never felt like I was going to make it one year past diagnosis. I had ovarian cancer, long called “the silent killer” because symptoms tend to be vague and to develop only after the cancer is at an advanced stage. I also had a particularly aggressive form of cancer. Even though my oncologist clearly told me that my treatment was focusing on “cure,” I wasn’t convinced that I was going to make it.
Around the date of my first cancerversary I began really reflecting on the previous year and how I made it to one year, alive and starting to flourish. What immediately came to my mind were the two people who set me up for success, my gynecologist and my gynecologic oncologist surgeon. Now don’t get me wrong, I am extremely grateful for my current oncologist and the team of nurses and Nurse Pratitioners that care for me on a regular basis. They too are a huge reason that I am here today. But I believe that the quick action by my gynecologist and the skillful proactive surgery by my gynecologic oncologist are a huge reason why I even had a chance to be here today. Recognizing this, I sent them personal letters expressing my gratitude. As I had moved out of the area and I was no longer a patient of either of them, I also let them know that my treatment was successful thus far, that I was doing well, and that I attributed a good part of this to their prompt and skillful care. As good deeds tend to come back to us, my gynecologist called me one evening after hours to tell me how moved he was by my letter. And I was moved by his call. The gratitude just deepens.
Great Smoky Mountains National Park, September 2021
Finally, I planned a celebratory trip to the Great Smoky Mountains. On my actual cancerversay I set my intention to fully live this precious life that I have been given. I wanted to push myself to do things I thought I couldn’t do, to explore the boundaries that I had set up for myself to keep myself safe. My husband and I hiked to Clingman’s Dome that day. The stunning views of the world in front of me reminded me I was part of something bigger and that there was a whole wide world out there to explore.
Profound Gratitude and Profound Sadness
This year my sense of gratitude is focused on the nurses from my oncology office that have helped keep me cancer free. I am currently on a maintenance medicine that is monitored closely by my gynecologic oncologist. I have monthly labs and a monthly visit with my gynecologic oncology Nurse Practitioner. I have purchased little key chains for the nurses inscribed with the following: “May you be proud of the work you do, the person you are, and the difference you make”. My plan is to write them each a personal note and include the keychain in the note. A small gesture marking my two-year anniversary and expressing my gratitude towards those that have helped me on my journey.
As I reflect on the past two years of survivorship, along with my profound gratitude for life and the people that have helped get me here, there is also a sense of profound loss. Several months ago, I lost my good friend Lori to ovarian cancer. We were diagnosed around the same time with the same type of ovarian cancer. Even though we were hundreds of miles apart we were support to each other during this cancer journey. It’s hard knowing that I can’t text here when I’m having a difficult day or reaching a milestone. It’s hard knowing that I can’t offer her the support and encouragement to just keep going, day by day. Her loss is a reminder that the cancer journey comes with profound sadness along with profound gratitude.
Intentions
My intention for the next year is to continue to open myself up to life and to share my journey with others. Hopefully this website will find the people that it needs to find and offer them comfort and support in knowing that they are not alone.
What day is special for you? The date you were diagnosed? The date you completed treatment? The date you received a “No Evidence of Disease” report? How do you acknowledge and celebrate YOUR cancerversary?
In memory of Lori, whose light and joy lives on in the people she loved.