Finding Happiness in the Everday
Finding happiness has long been the holy grail for a good life. It is always in the future, a goal. As if happiness were an endgame and once you find it, you will forever be happy. But happiness is elusive, and what brings you happiness in one moment of life, once that “thing” that brought you happiness is part of your everyday life, it no longer brings as much fulfillment and joy as it did at first. The search then begins for the next new “thing” that will make us happy. We are living in the future, with “When I (fill in the blank) I will be happy.”
As a cancer survivor, we’ve been jarred into the reality that the future is not promised to any of us and the search for happiness becomes marred by getting caught up in its uncertainty and the “what-if’s”. The “what if the cancer comes back,” “what if my fatigue/pain/nausea/brain fog never goes away,” “what if I lose my health insurance,” “what if my health insurance won’t cover my medicine or treatment,” “what if I can’t afford my treatment,” “will my family be okay if I don’t make it/if I do make it and I’m not the same,” “will people still love me now that I am broken.” The “what if’s” become a never ending list cycling in our head.
While we may do it differently, facing the issue of our own mortality is common for cancer survivors. Some of us have faced it head on, and pondered it emotionally, in therapy, and or with our loved ones. Others, while vehemently denying it or the gravity of their illness, have had those moments in the darkness in the middle of the night and have at least had a fleeting thought about it. It’s inevitable when you hear the word “cancer”. If we can stop the cycle of the “what if’s” and all the energy we pour into resisting our illness or diagnosis or prognosis for just a moment, our search for “happiness” becomes much clearer.
Webster’s Merriam Dictionary describes the word “happy” as a feeling of contentment or satisfaction. So that promotion or house or relationship or whatever, will give you that feeling of contentment or satisfaction for the moment. But it won’t make you happy in the sense that it won’t give you a happy life. Happiness in that regard, is more a general state of being something that on the surface seems more difficult to obtain. But the funny thing is, finding “happiness” or being “happy” is a lot easier than we think and can often be found right in front of us.
Once you are faced with a life-threatening illness, if you let yourself delve into the abyss, you have a deeper or maybe just different understanding of the true meaning of happiness. It’s so simple because it is found in the simple everyday things. Those little moments become and truly are profound moments. Waking up and still being alive. Taking that next breath. Being able to move your body just a little. Or taking a few more steps than you did yesterday. Watching the sunrise, the sunset. Seeing the clouds in the sky. Watching the birds soaring in the sky. Really looking at a leaf, at a flower and thinking about how they grew from a tiny seed. Truly seeing the person with whom you share your life with. Seeing a baby smile. Petting a puppy or your fur baby.
The recognition that we have all of these little moments daily that are profound, that are wonderous, and that are awe inspiring is a reminder that happiness or contentment is all around us every day. Waiting for the taking. Waiting for us to recognize and appreciate it. These micro moments of awe and wonder are what happiness is about. Our days our filled with them. Moments of contentment. We just have to wake up and notice them.