Hanging On
Sometimes all you can do is hang on.
As you may know, in September of 2021 I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Fast forward 28 crazy months. Surgery, chemo, clear scans, triumphs. Struggling to figure out who I was after cancer and how to deal with the limitations that cancer and its treatment imposed on me. Fighting back. Laughing. Epic road trips and visits with family and friends. Being awed by Mother Nature. And now, here I am again. My latest scan shows a recurrence. Unwanted but not unexpected as 70% of ovarian cancer survivors will have a recurrence. So it will be surgery, recovery, and then chemo. Again.
As I think about what is ahead and about this blog and website, so many thoughts swirl in my head. I had intended the website to provide support for the after cancer: the after treatment when you are cancer free in the physical sense but not in the emotional or mental sense. Because cancer, once it touches you, never truly leaves your mind. And yet, here I am, not cancer free. A patient again getting ready for treatment to ward off this ugly disease. Someone who is no longer in the thick of the after cancer but is right back in the trenches of cancer.
But as I continue to mull this over, I also realized that what I was really trying to do with all of this is to help people, and yes I include myself, find a way to flourish because of and despite having cancer. Because of the beautiful and majestic viewpoint of all those simple joy-filled day to day moments that most people miss in the busyness of their daily lives. Despite the unseen limitations that cancer and treatment impose on your body and the fear it instills in your mind.
You see, I know that even though the days and nights ahead may be challenging, I also know that there will be many joy-filled moments that I will be taking in. Once again I will be reminded that those simple moments, like sitting next to my husband in the early morning and having a cup of tea or coffee, are the wonderful simple moments that a life is made of. And they are not guaranteed.
I also know that I can find a way to flourish during treatment. Flourishing means growing, thriving, prospering. Certainly, I will grow as a person during treatment. Experiences, good or challenging, make us change in some way. Can I thrive? Yes, I can grow mentally and prosper in my love and joy in life in the environment that I have been handed. Yes, it will look very different than if I was again in the after cancer, but flourishing is still doable. None of us needs a perfect environment to flourish or thrive. In fact, there is never a perfect environment. We all always just do the best we can with what we have. And I plan on finding a way to find the joy in the difficult and uncertain. And by showing you how I am doing it maybe it will help you flourish just a little more too. Or maybe, and hopefully, you will show me a better or different way to flourish. I would love to hear from you.
I will continue to document my journey and write about the struggles and the triumphs of my cancer journey. The struggles and triumphs of a cancer patient and a cancer survivor, whether in treatment or in the after cancer, because ultimately the struggles, while different are also surprisingly similar. As for the next few months, my amazing husband, family, support system and prayer warriors have already stepped up. And while 2024 will not be the year I had hoped for, it is a year that I am again reminded how much I am loved and cared for. Ultimately, that is a very good year.