When Those Waves of Cancer Hit
Coping with a cancer diagnosis is a lot like coping with grief. You think you’re rolling along with life and doing fine and then you are hit with unexpected waves of anxiety, fear, and yes even grief. Anxiety about the cancer coming back, fear about going through treatment again or of dying, and grief over the life that you have lost. To say the least it can be a lot.
Feelings can blindside you in a lot of unexpected ways. Maybe you’re watching a movie or a television show or reading a novel and someone gets diagnosed with cancer or dies from cancer. Maybe you hear about a friend or a public figure that has just been diagnosed, and it brings back those moments when you were newly diagnosed. Or that public figure has died from cancer, and it triggers your fear of dying or anxiety about the legacy that you are leaving.
The thing about having cancer is that it's not a finite thing. It’s not like you have a cold or get your appendix removed and recover and life goes on. Sure, you complete treatment and life does go on, but it is different now and there are a lot more potholes along the way. Some you can see, and some come up unexpectedly. So, what can you do when that wave that is cancer overtakes you?
The first thing to do about coping with those unexpected waves is to get grounded in the moment, right here and right now. Take a moment, close your eyes and just breathe. Take a few deep breaths. Feel your feet on the ground, your clothes touching your skin. Listen to the sounds around you. Smell the fresh air around you – maybe there is coffee or tea brewing, or something in the oven. Feel your presence right where you are. Just for a moment, be. When you are truly in the moment there is no anxiety, there is no fear, there is no grief. You are not in the future, anxious and fearful, and you are not in the past, lamenting what was.
The next thing to do is to applaud your trigger. Yup, you heard me right. See, our mind protects us from what we are not able to cope with. Once we are healed enough, the feelings start to trickle in. If you are triggered, your mind is sending you a message that you are safe to feel your feelings. So, take a cue from your mind and do just that. Cry if you need to, sob even. Those big ugly full body sobs, nose running and all. If you are angry, be angry. Now I’m not talking about rage, which is different. You may need help if you are feeling rage. I’m talking about anger. One way to deal with anger is to get physical. Dance. Go hit some golf balls, tennis balls. Chop some wood. Do something physical and hard. Or try some longer deep breathing exercises or meditation. Journal or write out your feelings. Create. Rest. Sleep if you need to. Your mind is healing, and emotional triggers can be exhausting. Thank your body for healing and give it the rest it needs to recover. Give yourself the Grace that you would give others.
Finally, don’t wallow in it or criticize yourself for being triggered. Cancer is an ugly beast in so many ways. It ravages your body, but it also ravages your mind. And it lingers and continues to live with you, newly diagnosed, in treatment, post treatment. I would say don’t welcome it in, but it takes too much energy and life force to kick it out. It will keep coming back anyway. Relentless. So, understand, that it will pop up sometimes, like the waves in the ocean. Sometimes those waves are big and angry and sometimes they gently make their way to the shore. But they do make their way. Eventually. And you will too. Just be patient with yourself. Healing your mind from cancer is like healing from grief. You know you are healing when the waves still come but they are further apart and the feelings associated with them become milder. Most importantly, if you find yourself having difficulty coping, it’s okay to seek professional help. We all need a boost when life gets tough. You don’t have to do it all alone.